With all these endearing lists floating around with tips on "How Dads Should Treat Their Daughters" and "How Moms Should Treat Their Son's" I was inspired to write a brief list on the relationship and role of the wife in a marriage. Dave and I were the first in a LONG line of friends to get married over 5 1/2 years ago, and as I visit with my girlfriends, I often don't feel like I can relate some of the problems they are going through. I DO, however, empathize. As a "fixer" it torments me that I can't make it better. While listening to their stories of trials they are facing in their marriage, I feel like I never have the right words.
I am not saying our marriage is perfect example, but, actually it is perfect "for us", and it's taken a lot of work to get it to this point. I wanted to write a list that focused on "How To's" rather than "How Not To's." Mainly because I think it's easier to focus on positive, progressive movements forward in your relationship, rather than negativity of focusing on what you have done wrong in the past. So here are a few words of encouraging (and hopefully semi-funny) wisdom to make you a better wife:
Disclaimer:
In our home the Bible = 100% truth. It is our standard and guide for living each day. That being said, this is a non-religious, but biblically founded list. I still think it can apply to my friends of every faith. I'd love to have the time to include Biblical references, but I do have 3 kids...
This list is in no way comprehensive or in any particular order. I purposely excluded any tips regarding parenting or children. Please don't take this too seriously, it was written with good intentions to give a little insight into what has worked for us. I am in no way a relationship expert.
I am not saying our marriage is perfect example, but, actually it is perfect "for us", and it's taken a lot of work to get it to this point. I wanted to write a list that focused on "How To's" rather than "How Not To's." Mainly because I think it's easier to focus on positive, progressive movements forward in your relationship, rather than negativity of focusing on what you have done wrong in the past. So here are a few words of encouraging (and hopefully semi-funny) wisdom to make you a better wife:
Disclaimer:
In our home the Bible = 100% truth. It is our standard and guide for living each day. That being said, this is a non-religious, but biblically founded list. I still think it can apply to my friends of every faith. I'd love to have the time to include Biblical references, but I do have 3 kids...
This list is in no way comprehensive or in any particular order. I purposely excluded any tips regarding parenting or children. Please don't take this too seriously, it was written with good intentions to give a little insight into what has worked for us. I am in no way a relationship expert.
- "Walk in love and forgiveness." Sound advice from my mother-in-law Sandy, which was written on a card at my bridal shower. It covers a multitude of sins.
- Put him before yourself. Being a wife is the first entirely selfless thing you will do as an adult.
- Put him before your children. If you don't, they will come between you, and that is a terrible position to put them in.
- Meet his "needs." They will always be greater than yours, compromise.
- Have a defined role in your relationship. Traditional or not, this will establish boundaries which allows you to take "ownership" (and pride) over your area.
- Have high expectations for each other, and make it known. Nobody wants to willingly disappoint their spouse.
- Focus on what they do well, and not on their deficiencies. I know that Dave is never going to be romantic -- as much as I want to hold it against him, I let it go because he is great a so many other things.
- Praise him! In good times and in bad.
- Go outside when he is working on a car/project you know nothing about. Just you being there shows gratitude, and you just might learn a thing or two.
- Build a fence together. If you haven't established your role in projects, do it now. This lesson extends far beyond the actual project.
- Learn his pet peeves and avoid them. I like to take up the WHOLE bathroom when I get ready. That doesn't bother him as much as leaving my hair appliances plugged in on his side. Lesson learned.
- Reflect on your past often. We purposely re-visit the crappy apartments we lived in when she was first born. It reminds us of how far we've come, and makes all the hard work seem worth it.
- Dream together. Have a plan for where you are going. Set long term and short term goals. Write them down. Keep them close, so when you have a hard day you can be reminded of where you are going.
- Thank him. Let him know how much you appreciate the little things. If he see you notice, he's more likely to do them again.
- Find a mutual activity you enjoy doing together. The first summer we dated, we played night golf at LaFortune Park at least twice a week. It was inexpensive, and it was a great way to get to know each other. Neither of us were very good. Since we now live on a course, we love to walk out to our backyard and tee off in the evenings, even if we only get to play our hole.
- Make a soundtrack of your courtship. There's nothing like the nostalgia of old music to make you feel like you just started dating.
- Let him spend time with the guys. Often. It's good for both of you. It also gives you time to catch up on this season of Real Housewives without anyone nagging about all the "smut" you're watching.
- Learn to cook his favorite foods. FACT: The way to a man's heart is through his stomach.
- Watch sports with him -- even if it's a sport you don't like. Dave was a college baseball player, but I thought baseball was the most boring sport on Earth!!! The truth was, I just didn't know enough about it. He taught me how to throw a baseball "like a boy" and all about the strategy and athleticism that goes into the sport. Now we try to go to a couple college and MLB games each year -- there's no doubt our boys will follow in daddy's footsteps.
- Be his #1 fan. If you aren't, someone else will be.
